Understanding The Way We React

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Understanding why we do what we do is the next most important step in becoming Self Aware. There is always a reason why we react the way we do and we need to understand that reason if we want to grow and evolve. Most people are more then happy to go through life "reacting" to everything and never taking time to get to know themselves better. Yet for everything we React to there is a "Why". It may be as a means of defending an issue or other hurt you do not want to re-live, it may be simply a pre-programmed reaction to a situation. However in all cases the reaction is also a way of letting us know something is wrong.

You have to understand, before we get too involved in this, that you only defend "Lies" and "Half-Truths". When we know something to be "True" it simply does not matter what anyone says or does in regard to it. For example, if someone came up and told you the sky was Pink with Purple Polka Dots, the first thing that usually comes to mind is to laugh. Some may simply tell them they are insane and that the sky is blue. However virtually no one will get upset at their comment, it simply is not important enough to care about.

However when we are unsure about something, especially about something we do not want to face, then we will defend it until death. The reason is simple, we base much of what we are on what has happened, and when something bad happens our body naturally never wants it to happen again. So in response to that the body creates a block or issue, and it will then try and defend it at all costs. When someone says something that touches that issue then we get very upset. For most people it is far easier to get hurt, lash out, get upset, hurt them back, etc, then it is to look inside and see the "Why" behind the reaction.

This however is one of the best opportunities we have for growth and evolution. Each issue we find and deal with allows us to become one step closer to "Heaven on Earth". By the same token however, the more we ignore those issues the stronger they become. How many people have had someone say something that "hurt" and the next time it happens the reaction is stronger then it was the first time? That is because the body has added new defences to help insure that hurt will not happen again. And in the process we become more closed off to the world around us.

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I know a lot of people find "trigger points", things that just make the blood boil, then have the audacity to say something like "Don't take it personally" which just adds fuel to the fire. The sad thing is that they are right, in an off sort of way. If we react to it the defences will rise and the hurt will become worse as a result. Not to mention that we still will not know what about what they said that was so upsetting. A very common occurrence is when others make fun of our parents. The vast majority of people have issues that they may not even know about in regard to them. One major one that very few people acknowledge that they have is hatred, and anger for the lies parents told. They may be simple lies, like those about Santa and the Easter Bunny, or may be more complex ones about traumas sustained. There are parents who have made comments like "OH! Your okay… stop crying, that did not hurt" When in reality to a four year old it did hurt… a lot! So those things create issues. If no one touches them then they are not seen. Yet as soon as someone even brushes the surface of one… the fireworks begin to fly!

Issues with our parents, and the like are very easy to shrug off at times and simply ignore. Many are so common place that since "everyone did it" it almost becomes a socially acceptable situation. Yet all it takes is someone to make a comment, or suggest something that brings the issue to the surface and watch out the troops are on the move! It does not even take much, a comment like "Your Mom is such a liar!" and all the issues over Santa come flying forth.

The problems with those kinds of issues are that they are easy to bury, after all they have had how many years to dig in, as it were. Not to mention the fact that even if you try and bring it out so many other people will get upset at you for doing it. After all they themselves have the same issues, and to deal with yours they have to deal with their own.

Yet the cycle never stops there, you also get to pass it on to the next generation. You get to pass on the wonderful story of Santa to your kids, nieces and nephews etc. They too will then grow up and realize that they were lied to and the cycle starts all over again. This does not mean that you should not share the wonderful story of Santa with children. Those kinds of things make "magic" a part of our lives as children, they help us to have creativity and imagination. What it does mean is that as children get older and begin to realize the truth that you sit them down and explain that you were not trying to lie to them, you were simply giving them something wonderful to believe in. Something that was magical and such a beautiful concept.

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That is the biggest and most important reason to deal with the reactions as they happen, some of the issues are very old and very well hidden and if not dealt with they will get passed to another generation. I use the example of Parents lying to their children because it is one of the most common occurrences in our society. And the reality is it is not the big lies that do the most damage, it is the little one. I know now they tell parents to tell kids when something is going to hurt instead of saying it wont. That is a prime example of what I was just saying. That little lie to the child is devastating. Not only did it hurt, it hurt a lot, and to add insult to injury, Mom or Dad lied about it. Trust is destroyed and the seeds of future anger have been planted. What was perceived as a small issue grew and grew with each small little white lie until one day all of a sudden the kids resent their parents. The sad thing is that many do not know that they do, they have hidden is so well.

Yet one sure way to tell if you do have issues with your parents is how you React to them. If they come to visit and all you can do it count the seconds till they leave, there is a sure sign of an issue or two. Or when they phone, if after you hang up you let out a sigh of relief, there again is another issue. The way we React is the way our body and mind actually feel deep down. If you keep avoiding the issue and never confronting it, then you will never be able to reach "Heaven on Earth" because it is all the tiny, unknown issues that keep most out of that wondrous place.

Now don't get all caught up on the fact I have been picking on parents. I did that because it is almost guaranteed that somewhere inside of you is an issue with a parent or two. However since we are supposed to LOVE our parents we can't have any issues, angers, or hatreds towards them right? If you want to be the best "YOU" possible, you have to know yourself inside and out. If you deal with the issues with your parents them more then likely you will be able to open up and love them as much as you think you do. Now wouldn't that be a wonderful thing.

This same idea and the principle behind is works for all issues, no matter how big or small. Don't however expect that if you face an issue once that it will go away. Remember some issues have been with you for a great many years, and they have found good places to hide. However if every time the issue surfaces you "choose" to deal with it, and not "react" to the fact it is there, then over time it will indeed get dealt with.

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Later on we will be going into more depth in regards to issues and blockages, however for now simply take time to keep an eye on yourself. If you lash out or react to something that in retrospect you probably shouldn't have then take some time to understand why you did. Keep asking "why?" until you come to a reason that actually fits. Over time I will guarantee the issues that are currently such a natural part of your life will not be controlling factors anymore. They will evolve and develop into learning opportunities.

The road to "Heaven on Earth" is not an easy one, and like all things it will not happen over night. Give yourself permission to fail and keep trying, eventually you will succeed. When that happens a new life will open up and the world will truly seem like a beautiful place to be in. It just takes time, dedication, truth and honesty.

From The Tao-Te-Chi Intensive Healing Course Manual
Copyright May 2003


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