Dysfunctional Emotional Affected Disorder (D.E.A.D.)
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Dysfunction Emotional Affected Disorder is a serious yet unknown affliction that currently affects nearly 100% of the population of our society. It is by far the most damaging and devastating disorder in existence, yet because it is unknown no one understands it or its devastating power. What makes this disorder truly life altering is that no one knows how to treat the dysfunction itself, instead focusing on treating the symptoms it creates. As a result this dysfunction is allowed to flourish and ultimately leads to many other serious dysfunctions that to date can not be fixed or even addressed.
The reason that D.E.A.D. is such a powerful dysfunction is because, even though everyone typically suffers from it in some from or another, no one understands that they suffer from it. Because of the nature of this dysfunction is gets hidden, masked and buried within the day to day lives of all those that suffer from it. This then allows the dysfunction to become a normal part of the individual's life and as a result becomes impossible to remove, alter or address.
The simple yet sad truth is that D.E.A.D. is only unknown because no one wants to face the reality of this debilitating dysfunction. It has by its very nature become seen as a normal part of life; and as a normal part of life no one is willing to face the fact that it is not actually normal. In truth the very nature of this dysfunction makes it impossible to address, understand or even cure until people realize that this is indeed a dysfunction that is destroying our lives. Only once we realize the power and devastation of this dysfunction can we begin to understand it fully and hopefully find a solution. All of which will in turn help us to hopefully cure all the other dysfunction created as symptoms of this one.
To fully understand what D.E.A.D. is we first need to understand how it affects us, from there we can look at how it evolves in our lives and finally we can look at how it in turn impacts that life. Only once we have done all of that can we begin to find a means to helping us to recover from it. Of course the uncomfortable truth about this dysfunction is that aside from some very common traits this dysfunction truly affects each individual in completely different ways. The reason for this is that our reaction to the dysfunction when it is forming dictates how it will manifest in our individual lives.
D.E.A.D. in simple terms is best understood as a lack of real emotions or an over abundance of fake emotions that dictate our day to day lives; which in turn compound over time to cause other more severe problems within our lives. Of course unlike many other types of dysfunctions and problems D.E.A.D. by its very nature also creates reasons, justifications or even delusions to make these problems "OKAY" within our lives; if even just on the surface of our minds. Because of this D.E.A.D. is very hard to fully understand and by nature trying to understand it will likely cause other complications within the mind. These further complications are not actually a direct result of the dysfunction itself; it is more a result of our misunderstanding of the mind and the nature of this dysfunction. However these new complication will interact with the dysfunction and ultimate cause new problems, thus making it harder to deal with and remove.
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A perfect example of this misunderstanding is the idea that emotions can not actually be quantified. This idea is a direct result of D.E.A.D. itself and it actually completely untrue. The only reason that we can not currently quantify emotions is because we are suffering from a dysfunction that has separated ourselves from them in one from or another… D.E.A.D. What this means is that to fully understand the nature of this dysfunction, and also then how to actually quantify emotions, we first need to look at how it is created.
Unlike many such dysfunctions D.E.A.D. actually begins as part of our evolutionary make-up. We as a species have been working hard to suppress or control our emotions for many thousands of years for a great range of reasons. Just like all other aspects of evolution it something is done a certain way long enough it becomes a more permanent by-product of our lives.
A good example of that is body hair. In today's society we shave off hair we do not want, cover ourselves with clothes to keep us warm and generally do many other things that signal our bodies that hair, at least in certain places, is unneeded. These ideas all started many thousands of year ago when we began to loose the fur that covered our own bodies and began wearing animal skins (looking at the theory of evolution). Over many generations that body hair became less and less. Today most of the body hair that we have is fine and light. In many cases a lot of it is so fine and light that we can not actually even see it anymore. We still have a lot of hair that we do see such as arm hair… however there is a lot more that we do not.
The same process that made our hair "obsolete" is now being applied to our emotions. We have told our bodies, and minds, that these things we call emotions are "getting in the way", that they are "inconvenient" or are in truth "BAD". Because of this we have created within the human condition a decrease in the impact of emotions upon our bodies, minds and psyche. They are still there and still a part of who we are, they simply have less power than they likely once did. Of course since no one has ever taken the time to create a machine that can measure this impact of emotion on the human body, this is merely speculation at this point. Speculation supported by the current level of emotional impact seen in the lives of those around us versus the impact we see in stories, fables and ideas from the past.
All this really means is that from the point of our birth we have become naturally pre-disposed to have less impact from our emotions that we once did. Of course the flip side of this same idea is the theory that we have yet to come into our emotions and in truth they are merely just beginning to manifest. This idea could also be true and what we see as stronger emotions of the past were really simply fake emotions being manifest. This too is another reason that D.E.A.D. is so hard to understand and explain… we really do not have a true basic understanding of our emotions themselves… or do we?
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Let us pause for a moment and look at emotions themselves. We all have them right? The question is do we all have the same ones and do they have the same power for each person? The simple answer to that question, if we want to look at reality as versus the perception of reality is… YES!!! The problem is that reality and the perception of reality are pretty much interchangeable in our lives today… which is where we get the idea of individual reality or individual truth from. There really and truly is a real reality, the problem is that real reality is often times inconvenient or downright contradictory to what we want to believe… of course that does not make it any more or less real… it does however change the way re relate and react to it… just as to our emotions. See how they go hand in hand?
The truth is that every human being on the planet, and quite possibly all other living things as well, have a full complete set of emotions. The problem is that we as humans also have a mind that is so powerful it can override them. Of course to override them does not mean that we get rid of them… quite the contrary… what we do when we override them is hide them, explain them away or otherwise make them SEEM to go away while letting others out.
As a basic example of this… it would be like eating a peanut butter sandwich and hiding it inside a big steak "shell" making it look and smell just like a steak. To the outside observer it would look like you were going to be eating a steak. Of course as soon as you bit into it you will taste peanut butter. Since the whole point of this was to hide what was really going on, chances are you would never dream of taking the bit.
This is the same process that happens without our minds, we hide our real emotions underneath other much more powerful ones. The new emotions of course our totally and completely controlled by us… making them fake. This is really what a fake emotion is, an emotion that we purposely created that is so powerful as to override and block out all other feelings and thoughts. These fake emotions allow us to have the illusion of being in complete and total control of our lives… even if just on an unconscious level.
The problem is that because of the very nature of D.E.A.D. we can also hide that we are hiding our real emotions. So as a result we create a very complex and very in-depth mentality that makes it so that we hide everything from everything else… especially our own minds. We will happily blame others, loose ourselves in drugs, sex and alcohol and just about anything else imaginable to keep everything hidden and buried.
Of course the problem is that the real feelings and emotions that exist underneath all that "fake" stuff are still there. Also, all the fake stuff hiding it all is not really there at all in the first place, it is merely smoke and mirrors. As a result the real emotions and feelings keep popping up all over the place. This of course means that the person dealing with all the fake stuff has to then be on guard 24 hours a day 7 days a week to keep all that is hidden… hidden! Is it really any wonder that the power of real emotions is diminishing when faced with this as the only other outcome? If emotions were less powerful then we would have a better chance of survival… which is exactly why evolution is working to weaken them.
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If we assume that the other side is true and that emotions are only just becoming a reality in our existence… imagine how much harder this is going to get when the emotions become stronger and stronger? Perhaps it is a good time to stop running and hiding from our emotions and begin to learn how to deal with them?
This then brings us back to where we left off. As young children we all begin to feel the impact of emotions. They come as the result of actions, deeds, hormones and many other things. Of course what we also come into contact with is Parents, Teachers, Peers and many others who for purely self-serving reasons do not want to deal with those same emotions.
A Parent may simply be too busy trying to make dinner, help with homework, clean the house, pay the bills, worry about their own issues, etc, etc etc to have the "emotional resources" to deal with their own child's new developing emotions. The Teacher has 20 to 30 other kids all going through the same thing, have to teach the lessons, deal with their own emotions, face the fear of what will happen if they do something and the child's parents get mad at them, they may get fired or the sad reality that it is not their job to help kids learn to deal with their emotions. Peers may make fun of other kids for showing their emotions, want to deflect away from the fact they feel them themselves, are scared of their own emotions or any other number of such circumstances. And on and on and on and on… round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows!
This begins to create an environment of total confusion over these strange new things happening inside and all of a sudden emotions begin to be seen as a bad thing. This then gets further reinforced when children begin to get punished for having feelings and emotions… something every parent on the planet has done whether they meant to or not. The problem is not that Parents are bad people… it's that the same thing happened to them. How can you expect people to learn how to read if no one else knows how to do it. Thankfully most people in our society know how to read, so they can read this and hopefully get some new ideas how to fix it.
Of course we also have an idea that punishment is only about those things that are directly negative or directly harmful… however "directly" is such a misunderstood word. Parents who let their kids watch TV because they are to busy to deal with them are in truth DIRECTLY neglecting their kids… even though the TV is playing babysitter. Parents who give in to temper-tantrums are DIRECTLY teaching their kids to whine, yell and scream to get what they want… this reinforces the idea than tantrums are okay. Parents who are more are more concerned with being their kids friends and have their kids like them are DIRECTLY telling their kids that they as parents have no real authority or worth as a parent… what a surprise that your kids rebel against you!
The simple truth is that because we as people do not really understand ourselves and what it really means to be human, and truthfully also suffer from D.E.A.D., we pass that along to our kids whether we are the Parent, Teacher, Coach, or merely are just another kid. This gives us the second childhood factor for this dysfunction… environment!
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The simple truth is that D.E.A.D. is the result of both genetic and environmental factors. Factors that we have worked as a species to create, reinforce and promote. Factors that at any point at any time of our lives we could choose to stop working with and begin to change all of this. Of course that does not mean to say that all we have to do is wave a magic wand and this all goes away and we get to begin again fresh and new. Sadly there is one other factor to this dysfunction that we sort of already talked about yet need to talk about it much more detail… that being compounding factors.
Unlike direct factors like genetics and environment, compounding factors are the things that result from each direct factor and those that further develop as a result of those. In other words compounding factors are like a line of dominos, when you knock the first one down it knocks down the second and so on and so on and so on. Most people have probably seen in person or on TV the massive domino displays that people make from time to time. Some are massively elaborate and take a great deal of time to set up and create.
Sadly the same holds true for D.E.A.D., it takes years of work, justification, hiding and everything else for this dysfunction to rule your life. It began with a single small push at some small point in you life and took on a life of it's own as a result of that push. The problem being that that single push could have happened at any of a million points and even if you know what it was it no longer actually matters.
What this means is that the idea "if you can figure our where it started from then you can fix it" is simply not true. However, if we stop for a moment and look at people who to some degree or other are trying to figure themselves out this idea seems to be the most common. The reason is actually a by-product of this dysfunction. That of course being that it took a great deal of time, effort and work to make this dysfunction what it is today inside of you… and if you had to do a lot of work to make it go away then why try… as a result the mind holds to the idea that if it all started with a single event why should it not be able to be undone with a single one? Thus, sadly working to further the dysfunction and not actually trying to lessen it.
Looking at the huge domino display now all laid out on the floor. If we take the first domino toppled over and make it right again does it affect any others? No! It no longer has the power to affect any other dominos in the display. Of course we could one by one begin setting the dominos up again and recreate the same display… simply by working in the same directing that they toppled. Of course that would take a lot more work and in the end all we would have is the same outcome as soon as someone hits that first domino again.
Of course just like dominos we could take apart all the display, including anything that did not fall down, and completely begin again to make something new with those dominos. However, unfortunately we do not have the ability to destroy our own minds and begin re-building them from scratch. That does not mean that we can not do the same thing as the dominos however!
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A very important thing to look at is the reality that each individual domino is always going to be the same. It is the way they are laid out that determines the outcomes of the show. If the domino that started everything is next time placed at the end somewhere the domino itself has not changed, its function has not changed… just its position in the structure.
What this means for us is that we can completely pull apart each and every one of our ideas, beliefs and philosophies in life. We can in truth totally re-work our mind to the smallest detail if we want to. It of course does mean we first have to knock it all down so we can grab all the pieces up and begin again. However, because it is possible does not mean that it will be easy, quick or pain free. Just because we can do it does not also mean that we want to or should do it. This does not mean that we should not either.
The point to this is simply to tell you that we can do a lot more than we think we can. We all seem to so terrified of knocking down our own inner domino display that we forget that the display is only the end result. It is all the dominos together that make up the display and even when we knock them all down they are all still there when the show is over. No matter how many times we set them up and knock them down the individual dominos are always going to be the same.
This is an important thing to wrap your head around, because if you do not have the understanding that changing your life does not change who you are… it merely changes how you relate and react to things, then you will do everything to protect the domino display when you should be getting ready for the wonderfully spectacular show of knocking them all down.
The only difference is that when you were a child other people placed the dominos where they sit today, or at least told you where to put them. Once they have all been knocked down you get to decide where to put them next time. So stop for a moment and look at how much of your life has been dictated by others… know that those dominos were not placed there because of you even though it was in truth your hand that put them there.
This is but a glimpse of the devastating power of D.E.A.D., it is because of this disorder that we give people so much power and control over our own lives. It is also because of this disorder that we continue to follow the same paths as others laid out for us in our own field of dominos. Of course we must also hold on to the simple fact that we can stop placing those dominos based on other peoples wishes and desires any time we want to. We also have the power to knock them all down and begin again anytime we want to too.
So now that we know D.E.A.D. is caused by genetics, environment and multiple compounding of events in our lives… how do we begin to get out of it? Well, the first thing we need to do is come face to face with the reality that we are indeed suffering from Dysfunctional Emotional Affected Disorder. The best way to do that is to have a good hard look deep within. Do you feel in the very center of your being that you are all that you were meant to be? Do you feel that you are living the life that you were meant to live? Or do you spend a lot of your time running and hiding from your own life, no matter how you do the actual running away?
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If you can with all of your heart say that you feel you are living the life you were meant to be living… as versus living the life you feel you deserve… then can also truly say that each and every dream you hold onto has come true for you truthfully and honestly… and can say that you love everything little last thing about you, even the stuff that others may not like or agree with… then and only then can you say that you do not indeed suffer from this disorder…
Of course you will be lying to yourself as there is no one on the planet that does not suffer from this disorder in one form or another. It also means that you my friend have a very big ego and likely will never be willing or able to fix this problem. And if you just got mad, upset, scared or underwent any other "powerful emotion" then that just proved that point. The only reason we feel those "powerful" emotions is to hide the real emotions we do not want to feel… remember? So if you just did that then you do indeed suffer from Dysfunctional Emotional Affected Disorder and need help to overcome it.
In truth that is the very first thing that you need to come to terms with if you want to get help for this disorder… the realization that you are not currently in control of your own emotions. The reality is that you are in total and complete control, however it is control that you do not want to face and are unwilling to accept… which is why you hid control or blame(d) others for it. However, being willing to admit we do not have control over our emotions is in truth a truth… emotions are not controllable, only fake ones are. That does not change the fact that we work very hard to hide them and control the fake ones.
Seems rather complicated doesn't it?
The simple and sad truth is that Dysfunctional Emotional Affected Disorder is the most complicated thing you will likely ever have to deal with in your life. The advantage to that is that once you have begun to deal with it you will find a new life, a better life. One filled with rewards, glory, joy and happiness that you would likely never have even been able to even imagine otherwise.
This too is also something very important to remember and hold on to… you do not have to fix everything for you to get the rewards of fixing your life. Each small thing you fix will offer its own rewards and benefits. Just like the dominos of destruction that occurred before in your life this will set up a new beneficial domino effect. The more small things you fix, the more bigger things will become small things and the dominos will begin to fall and rewards and happiness will begin to pour in. Though like the negative side it starts small and builds over the course of time, effort and dedication. All things we will work to help you to understand and learn to deal with when you are ready to do the work.
For now simply hold to the reality that this is not your fault. It was you that did the work to make it happen, however you were lead by others. It is not their fault either because they too are in the same boat as you. They too were lead by others. The only way to get out of this is to stop blaming others and let that pain, anger and hatred go away. If you realize that they did not do this to you on purpose and that you, up till now, really had no choice in the matter… then hopefully you can let go of some of your hatred and anger. That alone will help to take a huge weight off of your own life and if you get nothing else from all of this… that by itself is something huge and wonderful.
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Just also always remember that dominos are each small little things, it is the impact of many of them that make the beautiful, and destructive, things possible. Each by itself may not seem like much, but image what 200 of them together can do. Then imagine 1000, 2000, 5000, 10,000, 20,000 and so on and so on. The more small little dominos there are in the work the greater the end result. Your life will work the same way. Each small success will add up over time to become bigger and greater success. You just have to be careful because the small failures can also become bigger ones if you do not stop them from becoming so. It is your choices that will allow the bigger successes to come or the bigger failures… with our help you will hopefully be able to tell the difference between them before it is too late.
Original Copyright March 2006
First Public Viewing April 2008
D.E.A.D. (Dysfunctional Emotional Affected Disorder) definition: assumed or resulting failure in the normal operation and function of emotions and emotional well-being caused as a result of impact from outside forces including but not limited to family, friends, peers, genetics and/or environment.
You Are Not Alone - Never Forget That!
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